Surprisingly,
I felt inspired by Joe Biden’s speech at the democratic national convention. And I also know some conservative voters feel that way when listening to Trump.
Some people might call all conservatives fascists. Or nazis. Or bigots. Or racists. Or misogynists. Or… you know what, that kind of name-calling is beneath me. Instead, this post is an exploration into the mind of a conservative voter, and I will attempt to show that one of their more predominant worries about liberal ideals is based in unfounded pessimism. Their biggest single worry boils down to this: they think liberals are hopeless romantics who dream bigger than they can do. But I urge you to remember that we are, in fact, a nation of resilient dreamers.
I’m not claiming that humans have always been resilient dreamers. Of course, there have been times in history when a group of people’s dreams were too big. And instead of resilience, hubris got the best of them.
For example, Herodotus, the first historian, the so-called “father of history,” wrote about Hubris. In his account of the Persian Wars, he wrote that the Persian King Xerxes ordered his armies to whip the sea. Each man in the Persian army dealt the Hellespont 300 lashings. Did this correct the poor behavior of the water? Did this help them cross it without losing more ships to its natural chaotic currents?
A better question: was this real? Or did Herodotus embellish this to make the Persians look incredibly dumb? Or did he write this to teach the reader a lesson? Well, here’s my lesson to you, dear Reader… history has always been written by the winner.
Like when ESPN forgets time and time again that the 2005 Chicago White Sox won the World Series. Not only did they win it, but they went 11-1 in the postseason. It was a beautiful time to be a lanky, pizza-face, 16 year old boy. When Juan Uribe made that final throw over to Paul Konerko to win it, I jumped out of my chair with a smile so big, you could have seen my braces from a mile away. Yet ESPN, the goddamn New York-biased sports media, loves to casually forget about this moment in time. You could get mad about this, or you could accept that it’s east-coast yuppie propaganda.
That’s what the P stands for. ESPN: Entertaining Sports Propaganda Network.
And then there’s ESPN 2: Edging Sexual Propaganda Network. Honestly, I urge you to stay as far away from ESPN 2 as possible.
So is it propaganda to point to the successes of liberal dreams in the contemporary United States? Maybe. I think it’s fair to say everything is propaganda to some degree. I’d also argue that some liberal successes in our country can be proven with the use of historical evidence.
There’s many liberal policies since the Civil War that can be considered successful: labor laws, social security, unemployment insurance, labor unions, public works programs, the formation of national parks, the ACLU and NAACP (not exactly policies but don’t be so tied to words, geez), the Civil Rights Act of 1964… it’s shame that most of these occurred way in the past. It’s almost like we used to dream bigger, and then I was born.
And now everything is conservative and sucky.
It’s fair to ask how I know those liberal policies were truly successful. Well, listen, have you considered delving into the history books yourself? Because I’ll be honest with you,it’s Sunday morning. I’d probably rather go outside.
So how about you take a long look in the mirror… do you ever try researching anything for yourself? Do you look at multiple sources? Or do you just get all your information and opinions spoon-fed to you? And you probably believe the first thing you read. You make me sick.
I find it interesting that despite all the successes I mentioned above, I happen to be very close personally to many conservative-minded people who think liberals are largely filled with a lot of hot air. They hold very strongly on to one central belief that’s really at the heart of a lot of conservatism — they honestly think that contemporary liberals dream bigger than they can do. And the question that really eats away at me late into the night is… why do they think that way? What do they think about liberals that makes them so afraid of believing in hope?
I’ll start by saying...
I don’t think most people view each other in negative terms. Sure, humans view other groups of humans negatively. But specific individuals? I think the more common feelings are confusion and sadness. Maybe anger if a certain individual is not staying on top of their mental health. But I think, more often than not, when it comes to how we feel about those we let into our own circles, we tend to pity others whom we think have “fallen prey” to wrongful thinking.
For example, when I have friends who buy dippin’ dots, I might pity them for thinking they need dippin’ dots in their life but I certainly don’t hate them. Of course, I hate the idea of dippin’ dots. I hate the general idea of the group of people in my head who buy dippin’ dots. Ice cream of the future? And it’s just cold dots? Are you fucking kidding me? Ice cream should never change. I’ll openly hate any abstract group of people who advocate for changing ice cream. Especially to some bullshit little dots. But if you’re someone I know personally, feel free to eat dippin’ dots in front of me. I won’t hate you. I’ll just feel bad for you. I’ll pity your poor taste.
When I consider what conservatives must think, I can only guess they feel sorry for liberals for what they perceive to be our ungrounded, hopeful spirits. They think we’re dreamers who dream bigger than we should. They think our dreams are harmful because they’ll backfire on us in the long run. It not 100% an illogical opinion.
After all, Lenin would probably self identify as a liberal.
Maybe some liberal agendas are unrealistic or even harmful in the long run. This is really to be expected. When you increase the services a government provides, this change surely must cause some negative side effects. Nothing is perfect. Not even Tony Hawk.
Sure, Tony Hawk’s about as close to perfect as any mere mortal can get. But I bet Tony Hawk has done some real shitty things. I bet when no one was looking one time, he probably started talking shit to some other skateboarder. The other guy was probably some up-and-comer, and Tony Hawk probably felt threatened by him. So he probably lashed into the guy. “I’m on video games, I’m on TV, etc...”
I bet Tony Hawk was a real jerk.
This is all pure conjecture, mind you. But c’mon, I bet anyone $5 that Tony Hawk once spat on a friend’s skateboard. He probably said, “There, that’ll grease your wheels, you piece of shit.” No imaginary Tony Hawk, you’re the piece of shit.
United we can, and will, overcome this season of darkness in America. We will choose hope over fear, facts over fiction, fairness over privilege. (Joe Biden)
Perfection is unattainable when increasing the services a government provides, and the same can be said for when you change the services a government provides. There are likely to be adverse side effects to a change of any kind.
Like when I change the channel away from Game of Thrones when a parent walks into the room. My intention is to reduce the risk of seeing nudity on TV at the same time as my dad. Just the thought of that causes a sinking feeling in my gut and a general wave of skin-crawling anxiety to overtake my entire aura.
So I change the channel, but silly me — I forgot I was on HBO. And now I’ve ended up changing the channel to a soft core porn HBO is currently airing for god knows what reason.
And now my dad is in the same room with me and we are both looking at the same TV, horrified. We both see that 90s boob. There’s an areola in our shared living space, and we don’t know what to do with it. We avoid eye contact at all costs, and this shall never be openly discussed.
So yes, change is risky.
The thing conservatives forget about what they call the “liberal agenda” is that it’s not rooted in revolution for the sake of revolution. Well, maybe the liberal agenda in the USSR was. After all a while, I’m pretty sure their left-wing politics were not exactly aimed at serving the people.
But let’s be clear — everything Russia does is horrible. They currently have a democracy, but they are basically letting Vladimir Putin rule for life. Dude, Russia is so far gone, it’s not even worth mentioning in the same breath as politics literally anywhere else today.
Disregarding Russia, that “democratic” shit-show, contemporary liberalism is really the simple call for progress. The progressive platform, after all, falls within the liberal party. Comparing democratic socialism to the failed socialist experiment in the USSR is absurd. Russia has effed up everything it’s ever tried.
Honestly, what has Russia ever produced that’s good? And don’t give me common Russian talking points like Tchaikovsky, Dostoevsky, Tolstoy, vodka, borscht, chess, Russian nesting dolls, Laika the dog, or listen... would you stop listing good Russian things you stupid son of a bitch?
We must remember:
People who strive for progress often have hope in their hearts and a decent head on their shoulders. Unless they become jaded, they will continue to have that same hope their entire lives. If a policy enacted in the name of hope ends up producing negative side effects, it can always be reworked and revised to make it fall more in line with the original intention.
We sometimes forget that hope brings with it a natural resilience. Don’t overlook hope as an evolutionary strength. No matter what American Gladiators might have us believe, humans are not the physically fittest species on this earth. Half of us can barely stand to get out of our loveseats for more than a drunken stumble to the pantry for more cool ranch doritos.
Our bodies are our temples in the sense that they looked good in the distant past and now show signs of aging and twinkies.
But hope it what keeps our species going. It got us to the moon. Well, that and Stanley Kubrick.
Hope is why we all wear masks every time we go out in public. We have hope for a better future, and we know that to get there, we need to act right today. And not just today — we need to act right every day until we fulfill the dreams within our souls.
It’s also why if anyone ever gives you either one marshmallow now or two marshmallows in five minutes, you should always wait the five fucking minutes, you complete twat. Yes, yes, listen, I get the appeal. You can have one marshmallow now! Surely, it’ll satisfy some horrid animal craving in you. You make me sick. But just imagine doubling those carnal delights by waiting a mere five minutes. A mere five minutes! Believe it or not, it’s worth it. You’ll thank me later, you disgusting pig.
Anyway, today’s liberal party hopes for policy that can address the inequalities facing our country. They hope for a plan to improve police accountability and a plan to deal with the pandemic. Both of these plans would be based in the latest science.
And not the kind of science that gets your dick hard. Unless you’re into a little too into public policy, in which case, get a shrink, man.
I mean, I generally don't mean to kink-shame, but if public policy gets you horny, you have issues.
Look, I understand it's hard to have hope right now. On this summer night, let me take a moment to speak to those of you who have lost the most. I know how it feels to lose someone you love. I know that deep black hole that opens up in your chest. That you feel your whole being is sucked into it. I know how mean and cruel and unfair life can be sometimes. But I've learned two things. First, your loved ones may have left this Earth but they never leave your heart. They will always be with you.And second, I found the best way through pain and loss and grief is to find purpose.As God's children each of us have a purpose in our lives. And we have a great purpose as a nation: To open the doors of opportunity to all Americans. To save our democracy. To be a light to the world once again. (Joe Biden)
As liberal plans are carried out, they will be mostly overseen by people who are hopeful and resilient. People who will relentlessly pursue excellence.
How do I know this? In my life experience, I’ve worked with teachers, the ultimate dreamers. Teaching is the hardest job ever created. Yet teachers show up to get the job done. Even today, they are showing up with masks, air purifiers, and hopefully injecting a lot of bleach. Because they’re resilient, day in and day out.
Also, yeah, you might be surprised to hear that the idiot writing this has worked in such an important field for our future. Surely, I’ve scarred the children I’ve taught.
I hope the students I taught have access to trained professionals to discuss the trauma they endured when my red-headed authoritarian presence gave them lunch detention after lunch detention for interrupting my all-important science lesson on Newton’s Third Law or whatever meaningless trivia we think kids need to know.
Anyway, I’ve worked in many different schools and seen many different examples of resilient dreamers. I’ve worked in education in Arizona, Illinois, and Wisconsin. And now in my own limited role in Education Technology, I work in education on a global level.
Sure, I wasn’t the best teacher. Sure, I didn’t always exactly command respect in the classroom.
Yes, my students made fun of my red hair.
Yes, they also made fun of my last name. No, I haven’t heard a who.
Yes, I am aware my face does that really weird thing when I get annoyed. No, don’t show me what my face does again.
Yes, I am over the age of 25 and single. Let’s stop talking about this.
Yes, I do go on dates. No, I will never tell you anything about my dates.
Yes, I do enjoy the game of football despite how I look. Absolutely, Cody Parkey should have made that kick.
What I’m getting at is…
I have collaborated professionally with too many liberal, hard working, intelligent, resilient dreamers to doubt our country’s ability to relentlessly solve problems.
Is this life experience all I need to claim that liberal policy-makers don’t dream too big? Probably not, but it’s a big factor for me. If you want more concrete proof, then go read someone else’s blog.
Why do you insist I write exactly what you want to read? You make me sick.
Anyway, I have full confidence in the ability of resilient dreamers to get the job done. I’m as confident about that as I am about the fact that monster truck rallies are the coolest thing ever invented.
And if they ever convert to electric powered trucks, I promise you I’m the first one there. I’ll even wear one of those beer dispensing helmets, and if you want to play a good old fashioned game of slapsies, I’m in. Redheads have a naturally high pain tolerance. No matter how much you slap my hands, I’ll only feel an ounce of the pain you’d expect.
One thing I’ll never understand about conservatives is they believe in American exceptionalism, but they don’t extend that to American liberalism. If we truly are a nation comprised of the greatest people on the planet, why wouldn’t our liberal-minded citizens be exceptionally great at accomplishing their policy goals?
Conservatives will be proudly casting their vote for what they think is a system that’s already good enough and doesn’t need to take on the risk of change. But liberals believe in the power of our country to go to work or make the necessary sacrifices to get the job done. No matter who wins the election, conservatives should recognize the hope shown by liberals. And honestly, liberals should respect the stubbornness of conservatives.
After all, stubbornness is just hope’s rude cousin. As long as we continue to see the best in each other, that’s the true victory.
But I hope that the dreamers win. I hope we have a chance to see what our country can do over the next four years to tackle our big problems.
I hope to show the world we’re better than we’ve been.
Also, I care about black people and trans people and Mexican people and Jewish people and middle eastern people and gay people and men fighting against toxic masculinity and feminists and the planet earth and polar bears and my constitutional rights and soldiers and veterans and immigrants and disabled people and students and women in general and yes even police lives and improvisers and stand ups and even alt comics and out of touch old white dudes and black women and academics and teachers and health workers and the service industry and essential workers and the immuno-compromised and the lower class and the middle class and the people who are the absolute most fucked up who actually read this far and and and…
...please dear lord Jesus Christ almighty, let Joe Biden win.